Just the Two of Them

I sat and thoroughly enjoyed these this morning.  Carmel flavored coffee and my new breakfast friend, a french toast bagel with lots of cream cheese.  No one came downstairs this morning until 9:00am.  What may you ask is going on? 

Thomas and Annie are gone.  My early risers are rising somewhere else this week.

Today I got a taste of what next week will bring when Thomas and Annie return to school.  I remembered what it was like to have just the two at home by themselves.  Jarod and Laura graciously wanted Thomas and Annie to come spend a few days with them.  It just so happened the time that would work the best was this week, the week right before school starts.  So they are enjoying themselves and being pampered by their aunt and uncle, while I spend a few days at home with George and Evie.  It's interesting to me how the dynamics change when half of them are gone.  George and Evie are content to find things to play with.  This is what occupied them for an hour this morning while I....organized the kitchen!

Candles and napkin rings.



I love to organize.  It makes me feel like I have got it together if my house is in order.  And although I am completely aware of the fact that nothing stays where I put it, at least I feel ordered, even if only for a day.

The medicine cabinet.  We've acquired much medicine this summer sadly, and I finally got it all together so I know where to find it all. 

The hats and gloves area.  Gets destroyed every single day when in use.  Nothing ever gets put back in the right tub... oh well, at least it looks nice for now, until we need to use them.



I didn't buy groceries this week to make dinners.  We thought it would be more fun to go out every night to eat instead!!  Tonight we took the two to Mass at 6:30 pm to celebrate the Assumption, and then went downtown to eat at the Oven.  We opted for inside, since it was a bit, dare I say, chilly at the end of August??  We asked for a booth that was tucked away in the corner, thinking that we might cause less of a distraction there.  We still distracted.



It was fun to just walk slowly downtown with them.  And even though I miss the other two terribly, it was a nice chance to just focus on George and Evie.

Almost half way there.  Nineteen weeks.  I can't believe how this little one is growing!  And now out to dinner by ourselves tomorrow night....can't wait! 

Back to School Supplies and Bread....lots of Bread

Last year before school began, I took Thomas and Annie out each by themselves to lunch and then to go school supplies shopping.  They loved it.  I loved it.  They each got to pick where they wanted to go for lunch and then I got to be just one on one with them as they picked out their school supplies.  No hurrying them along, no feeling flustered because of screaming little ones, nothing else but just watching them as they fumbled around looking for the perfect folder and the perfect pencil sharpener...

This year we did the same.  My mom was able to come over two days in a row to watch the other kids while Annie and I went out on Wednesday, and Thomas and I went on Thursday.  And wouldn't you know, my children must take after me by being creatures of habit.  They both chose to go to Panera for lunch, just like last year.  Which is wonderful, however I stuffed myself with a lot of bread in two days.  But they loved it, and I loved just getting to watch them and talk to them.

Round two.  I noticed that Thomas is more of a talker than Annie is.  Both were very grateful and I felt very proud as I listened to their thank you mom... and we held hands as we walked together.

So here we are at the end of another summer.  I can't believe it's already here.  School and schedules will resume as we ride on the wave of another year.  Here we go...

A Day to Celebrate

Dear Joseph,
Today you would have turned one year old.  One year.  It's so very hard to believe that I would have a chubby legged, waddle walking, one year old around.  But God had different plans for your short little life.  And as always, He knows what's best for us.  Although I miss you terribly and will always feel the void that not having you with us brings, I am so thankful for all that you have taught us, and all the beauty that God has shown us, by not getting to have you. And it is so much easier this August 11th than last, as I'm sure each passing year will be.  Time is a perfect healer.  I will never forget you and we now have established a beautiful tradition in our family so that we can always remember your little life.

Mass was offered for you this morning and I felt such peace sitting there in the pew with my children all scrunched around me, knowing that you were in heaven.  And having such a compassionate priest at our parish who came up to me afterwards and asked if today was Joseph's birthday, was such a comfort to me.  After mass, we headed to the cemetery to celebrate your birthday, the day you would have been born.  And boy did we celebrate...I drove through McDonald's to get breakfast sandwiches.  The kids were thrilled!  We laid out our blanket, and while I passed out juices and egg bagels, I soaked in the morning sun that was streaming in through the trees, and I watched them eat.  We prayed for the repose of your soul, and even sang a loud happy birthday to you....I am comforted in the fact that our children know you.  They know they have a brother in heaven and that we celebrate your life.

We have yet to get the marker that has your name on it.  It is something that I terribly want, but we just never seem to get done.  We know the general area where you are buried, but I want to be able to leave flowers, and anything else the kids want to at your grave.  Instead, we walk around and look at the other children who are buried there and pray for them, especially the ones we know.

Life is such a gift.  I know that phrase is so over used, but I mean it in all honesty.  We are guaranteed nothing.  Every single day is another gift that God has given to us.  My marriage is a gift, each child we have is a gift, our health is a gift and time is a gift.  The time that we spend with our children is no guarantee.  Some we will get fifty years with, and others we will get 10 weeks.  May I never get so accustomed to being with our children, and more focused on the mundane tasks of the day, that I forget they are a gift to us.

Juggling

I was listening to a christian radio station the other day, where a woman was briefly speaking about juggling. Not of the performer who can throw four balls into the air and keep them from falling on the ground, no, the juggling we do each day with who we are.  She said that we all juggle the many rolls we play each day.  I juggle being a mother, giving time and my attention to TJ, doctor appointments, doing fun spontaneous outings with the kids, making meals, driving to and from school, spending time with each child, laundry and keeping the house in order, and so on and so on. 

Her advice was that we not look at our life as juggling these things at all, but instead giving our full attention to the task we are performing at that moment.  If it's giving baths and doing our night routine, then I should be one hundred percent focused on that, and that alone.  The fruit that will come from that is my attention will be completely on my children who I am helping at that moment.  And hey,  I may even enjoy the bath/night routine a bit more if I look at it as the most important thing I could be doing.  Caring for my children at that moment.

How often am I doing something.... making dinner, reading to the kids, driving in Sherman, and yet my mind is thinking ten steps ahead to something that needs to get done later in the week.  I am a chronic planner-aheader.  I love to think about what is coming up.  I caught myself doing it just the other day.  I was thinking about the fall and all the food, smells, activities I want to do, instead of just enjoying RIGHT NOW.  There are only two weeks left of summer before the kids go back to school.  Oh how I will miss these two weeks in just a short while.  I want to enjoy the present, and not constantly be thinking of the future.

I got a little sad tonight as I was putting Annie to bed.  We are reading the story of Blessed Mother Theresa at bedtime and we are at the part of how she began to discern her vocation, if God was calling  her to be a Sister or not.  Annie asked me through her sleepy eyes, mom how will I know what God wants me to be?  As I was telling her how we would pray and listen to God starting now, I flashed forward to her all grown up and I got sad looking over at her sleepy eyed, wet hair, Tinker Bell jammied little body.  She is still small and young and I want so badly to one hundred percent be present with her NOW.

I want to be done juggling.  I want to be present and give myself completely to whatever it is I am doing in that moment. 

And The Tie Breaker Is.....

A boy.

Three boys.  Two girls.  And one little one in heaven.  I feel very blessed.

It was just Annie and I who went to the ultrasound this morning.  My heart was pounding as the ultrasound tech began to rub the warm jelly across my belly.  When she said boy, I was shocked, which was funny because I was kind of expecting a boy, but REALLY, a BOY??  Oh my.  All I could think of was throwing the football and more golf clubs.  TJ stayed home with the others since it was early in the morning, and Thomas asked if I could surprise him in a fun way.  So Annie called TJ from the ultrasound and told him it was a boy, but not to tell the others.  When I got back with the kids, I told them we were going to the candy store and that when we got there I would let them know if they could pick out blue candy or pink candy.  Blue it was.  George of course, wanted green candy, which worked out well too! And Bev walked in the door, found the first sucker she could get her hands on, tore off the paper and went to town.

Another boy.  Thank you God for this little person.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I will get to see the outline of your sweet body.
Tomorrow my thoughts will be of pink or blue,
Because tomorrow I will come that much closer to knowing you.
Tomorrow is my eighteen week ultrasound and we are finding out who this little one is!!

But tomorrow is also the day our dear friends will bury their twin babies.  Marie Therese and Samuel Joseph, born way too early, their tiny one and a half pound bodies just too small to live.  But they made it to heaven already, they made it home.  Justin and Jill, we are praying for you tomorrow, praying that you will be showered with strength and courage.

Celebrating the Feast of St. Anne

July 26th is the feast of St. Anne.  She is the mother of Mary and the grandmother of Jesus.  She is patron of many things, but two in particular are grandparents, and bakers.

TJ and I decided that when we had Thomas, we would name our children after a saint, that way they would have their own special saint to turn to and get to celebrate their "name days."  It's been such a beautiful thing to watch them each take ownership of their saint.  When Thomas was little and we would be in church, if the priest would quote something from St. Thomas Aquinas, his little face would look up at me all excited that he just heard the name of his saint!  We try to make their name days special for them in small ways.  Usually we read about the saint, maybe do a little craft, make a special dessert, and they get to pick what to have for dinner.  Simple things to make them feel special and learn more about their saint. 

For the feast of St. Anne,  I thought going on a tour of a local bakery would be a treat!  And, Annie's good friend Abby, shares St. Anne's feast day, so we celebrated with the Vacek's.