Watching Them Grow

"The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves.  The resolution not to twist them, to fit our own image.  If loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them.  We only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them." -Thomas Merton

          I was making my bed and listening to a podcast and when I heard that quote I literally had to stop what I was doing and listen to those words again. That knocked me off my feet, so to speak.  To let those I love, my children, be perfectly themselves, not twisting them to fit my own image of who I think they should be...even worse, that the should be like me. Ouch.
          I passionately love my children, there is no doubt about that.  So why do I avoid certain children of mine at times, while am drawn to others?  Why do I get so red faced, tight liped mad at them?  Because it's easy to parent the kids who do what I say, act how I want them to act, are interested in what I want them to be interested in.  I've fallen into that trap of loving the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

          I really don't want to get to the end of my parenting days only to wish that I could do it all over.  To wish for the chance to try again in the areas where I failed to be patient, kind. respectful, accepting, and embracing of their differences. To wish that I hadn't yelled constantly out of anger and frustration.  My biggest hope is that in the midst of raising six children... six different personalities, six different souls....is that I will know with great certainty that I loved each one of them.  No  matter what. That I didn't try to mold them into becoming what I think they should be. That I looked daily into each of their eyes to see that person whom God created them to be and embrace that with them.
          Were getting to that stage in life where talk of their vocation and what they want to be when they grow up is starting to get a bit more real. I'm praying that I can gracefully guide them with figuring out who they are and what they want to do.  We often talk about their gifts and talents that God has blessed each one of them with.  How they are different from the sibling sitting next to them at the table or from the friend in their class.  And that is okay.  I want to reinforce to them that it is okay to like and dislike certain things.  God didn't make each of us an Olympic athlete or an Opera singer.
          He does however want us to use the gifts and talents that are unique to each one of us. And I believe He is asking me, as their mother, to be better at this.  To realize, accept, and embrace the characteristics of each one of my children.  To give them room to grow and explore the beautiful person God created them to be.