Thinking of how I spread my time and energy between my husband, each child, friends, family, school, and for my own self. How can I possibly give the time and attention to a newborn as well? How can I think less of myself and more about TJ, Thomas, Annie, George, Evelyn and the baby. They need to come first, to get the best of me and what I have to give them.
Thinking of what my husband talked to the kids about last night. How they need to pick up one thing before going to the next. How much less time we would spend picking up, if everyone just picked up a little. How my tendency is to clean everything myself. How I could help myself out if I just cleaned up as I went along....especially in the kitchen. I blow it up...then have a disaster to clean up later.
Thinking how much I love to have the kids in the kitchen with me. Even though it can be disastrous, it is worth it to me, seeing them learn in the kitchen. Especially Evelyn right now. Every time I enter the kitchen she knows it and I hear the dragging of the bar stool to wherever I am.
Thinking of a good friend post that I read yesterday. Spending meaningful minutes with each child. How I feel those minutes are far and few for me these days. I'm sad that George asks me every day to come down and build a train track with him, and I find a way out of it every day.
Thinking of my body and how I am in awe of what it is capable of. 37 weeks pregnant, housing a child that is developing and growing, and I can still get up early and do a Spinning class at the gym. And even though I may look like a blueberry in the only winter coat I have to wear that is big enough, I'm feeling wonderful and grateful to be pregnant again.
Thinking of our children having free will. That they will grow up and ultimately make their own decisions....good and bad. Praying for confidence in that we raised them as children of God, taught them how to love their faith, each other, others, and showed them unconditional love in our home. And then praying to be able to let go and watch them as adults. I know it may seem far off, Thomas is only nine years old....but in a blink of an eye we will be there.
Thinking of while listening to the Christmas song It's the most wonderful time of the year.. how many people really feel that way? Are more people stressed with buying, wrapping, baking, and cleaning, than savoring the beauty and joy of this Advent season? What am I making important...getting tasks done, or really, really looking deep within and preparing for Christ's birth?
Thinking of the Blessed Virgin Mary. After watching the Nativity this past weekend, I'm reminded of her complete and utter selflessness. Would I hop on a donkey, now at 37 weeks pregnant, and travel one hundred miles? No comfort, bathrooms, sweets, or computer. After my phone interview yesterday with the hospital and my requesting an immediate epidural....like RIGHT when I get there, I thought of Mary so humbly giving birth to the Son of God in a dirty, cold cave. No comfort. No epidural, no bed, no blankets.