give and take......and then get

What a sad anniversary today was. Nine years ago, thousands of people's lives changed because of hatred. Today was the anniversary of 9/11. TJ and I spent the day up in Omaha. We had gotten tickets to listen to Father Corapi speak on Spiritual Warfare. It was so awesome to hear him speak....and to get to see him in person. He is such a powerful, holy man.

So, the conference was from 9:30am until 5:00pm. An all day event. When I first asked TJ if he wanted to go, he said, sure. We both enjoy listening and watching Father Corapi on EWTN. I had purchased the tickets well in advance. The closer and closer it got to the event, we knew we were going to have to find someone to watch our four darling dear ones. One week before, we still had no one to watch them. We thought about giving the tickets away, or me going by myself, but I didn't really want to do that. Then our dear friends the Vackes asked us if they could take all our children for the day, so we could go!! Bless you Craig and Kim! That was nine children they watched for the day!

Now, to the point of this post.

It's taken me nine years of our marriage to start to figure some things out. I'm learning to LET GO of expectations, learning to ACCEPT situations, and learning to ENJOY the moments while in the midst of them.

With that said, TJ does not like to read. He doesn't like to change diapers. He doesn't like routine. And he's definitely not a go to a conference all day on your day off kind of guy. ESPECIALLY on a Husker Football Saturday. The beautiful thing about him though, is that...... he will. He will try and read something that I've asked him to read. He will change diapers if I ask him, and he was willing to go sit at a conference with me on a beautiful Saturday. And he will do it happily. He's that kind of man. I on the other hand, when I have to do something that I don't want to be doing.....I let him know about it. (if you know what I mean.)

We ended up compromising. Giving and taking. I knew how much he wanted to watch the Huskers play, he knew how much I wanted to hear Father Corapi, and so we both let go a little. He sat there and thoroughly enjoyed listening to Father speak. We had decided to go to the conference from 9:30-12:30 and listen to his first two talks. Then we would leave and go to the Upstream for lunch and watch the game. When we realized that there was a 45 minute break before his second talk, I looked over at TJ and could just read his mind.....and so, because I love him and truly knew how much he wanted to watch the game, I said, let's go. And oddly enough, I felt more joy by us leaving that conference than if we would have stayed. We walked to the restaurant on a gorgeous, sunny, late morning. Together. The two of us. And that's where I wanted to be more than anywhere else. More than listening to Father Corapi. I was in heels, and so I took off my shoes as we strolled down the Old Market together.

When we got to the restaurant there was no one there yet. We found a perfect spot at the bar, right in front of a big screen TV. We drank a beer, had lunch and watched the game together.

And then all of a sudden in came a mad rush of people all trying to get a table for lunch. We look at each other and realize that it is the lunch break from the conference judging from the fact of how many priests were there. Had we waited until 12:30 to leave, we definitely would not have been able to sit at the bar, right in front of the TV together. We just smiled at one another. TJ was so happy, giddy really. He kept saying how this was the perfect day. That how could it get more perfect than listening to Father Corapi, walking together through the Old Market, sitting at the bar having lunch, watching the Huskers, and to top it all off, it was a simply gorgeous day. Now it must have been TJ's giddiness that led him to walk into a little boutique on the corner. He said we should go in and just look for some sandals for the both of us. I have been wanting a fall dress coat, but always seem to find other ways to spend extra money. There were coats in the way over priced boutique. I tried some on. And I think because my husband was just so darn happy, he told me he wanted to buy me a coat.....a coat that was way too expensive!!

So there.

Giving and taking.....and then getting a new coat!

Marriage is not about yourself. It's about your spouse. Everything we do should be for the other person. Our first priority in marriage is to pray for our spouse to get to heaven. My focus should always be TJ. No matter what. That is how I want to live out my marriage. No keeping score, no making everything even. It's about things NOT being even, tasks NOT being divided up equally, it's about NOT getting what I always want. It's about giving in and letting go. I hope to teach my children this.

So when people ask me how was Father Corapi? I say it was wonderful.

It truly was.

It was a wonderful day.

I had more fun by letting go of MY expectations, and giving in. I had a wonderful day with my husband. Maybe God knew that we needed to spend that time together more than we needed to listen to Father Corapi speak for eight hours. Maybe, just maybe, God knows more than I do!


Kari Lee said...

That sounds like an absolutely wonderful, special day. A day every married couple needs every so often. Thank you - I needed the reminder about priorities and selfless love - perfect timing! :)
post a pic of your new coat!!

Lindsay said...

Not only are you a beautiful mother, friend, sister, daughter, but YOU are a fabulous wife and have always have been. I don't believe you that you let TJ hear about. I'm sure it goes something like this, "Golly, geez TJ, I sure am disappointed." You are too sweet. Glad you had a great time, saw the bigger picture, and got a new coat. Can't wait to see it.

Laura said...

We were wondering what happened to you two! I was wanting to leave early too, not because I wasn't enjoying Fr. Corapi, but because I forgot to pack enough diapers for Andrew. But Jarod, not wanting to leave, found the perfect solution...he wrapped a burp rag around Andrew's little bum. Poor little Andrew, by the end he was sitting there soaking wet, but he didn't seem to mind! The things we do to please our husbands!